There is a scene early on in Zoolander 2, the long awaited (well, so they say) sequel to 2001’s hit comedy starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, where Zoolander and Hansel (Wilson) are pranked on stage; instead of wearing some new designer clothes they are wearing shirts that read ‘Hi I’m Old’ and ‘ Hi I’m Lame.’ This scene is the best way of describing Zoolander 2.
It’s fifteen years since the end of the first movie and the film begins with Justin Bieber being shot to death on Sting’s doorstep in Rome. We soon discover Bieber isn’t the only celebrity to have been gunned down recently- Demi Lovata, Usher and Madonna have all met a similar end. The connection between these deaths is that before they die, every-one of them managed to upload a selfie to their Instagram account pulling a specific pose. This pose leads Interpol’s Fashion Police straight to Derek Zoolander, who, luck would have it, is working in Rome after being pulled away from a 15 year hiatus by Billy Zane. Zoolander, and the returning Hansel must team with Interpol’s Valentina Valencia (Penelope Cruz) to stop whoever is behind all these evil goings on.
If all of this isn’t daft enough for you then there is also some nonsense going on about Zoolander trying to win back his son, who was taken away from him after an accident involving a giant book and his wife.
Apart from being seriously unfunny one of the biggest problems with Zoolander 2 is that really appears to have very little reason to exist. The first movie poked fun at the narcissistic nature of the fashion industry and the second tries to do exactly the same, except this time the satire is nowhere near as amusing and the jokes feel more forced than a Coronation Street death at Christmas time. Stiller’s Zoolander wasn’t all that likable in the first movie- this time he is just out and out irritating and the constant parade of celebrity cameos managed to get a grand total of zero laughs out of me, and anybody else in the cinema for that matter.
Imagine, if you will, Ben Stiller standing in front of you, reaching into your pocket, taking your money, and smiling smugly at you whilst he does it, and you’re powerless to stop him. That is what Zoolander 2 felt like. I’ve seen more entertaining snapchat stories on a Saturday morning than this.